Crossroads

Life likes the curve balls; taking you by surprise and giving you hard choices.
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Former employers, and good friends, Emilou and Dencio phoned me out of the blue Friday afternoon with a job offer. Being absolutely unprepared for the entire conversation, I don't think I made sense for a great portion of the talk, and I likely came off as flustered and bewildered. I still am.

Dencio and Emilou are people I look up to. They're part of the new generation of unrelenting entrepreneurs who believe that anyone can do anything because everything needed is at our fingertips. They bravely churn out one idea after another, turning them to beautiful realities, unafraid to risk failure and undaunted by the pressures of success. I'm lucky to know them and to have had the pleasure of working closely with them at near start of it all.

Now they want me back and part of their team again. Wow.

So why the hesitation? If they're as brilliant as I say, why don't I jump on the opportunity instantly? As in any great relationship, there were bumps on the road. Note how I'm not using the word 'few' here... the bumps were definitely more than few. I went thru hell and high water with the couple, we caused each other headaches and messes, and our wrath coming down upon everyone around us with as much intensity as a tsunami. How, when we talk, it seems like no time has passed is short of a small miracle to me.

I guess I'm more afraid of the opportunity suddenly before me. My current job has sort of become a comfort zone. I get paid okay, with the promise of good benefits, and without so much stress. Getting back on Dencio and Emilou's team would mean long hours and pushing the limits of my heart, without the promise of job stability. Current job puts me under the privileged handful who can proudly call themselves as employees of MVP. Working with Dencio and Emilou will bring me under the Intrapreneur banner again, treating the brand that falls into my grasp like my very own business, it's failure and success depending solely on my hands.

Can you feel the pressure in that? I can, and I'm afraid.

But all leaps of faith are scary. All risks are meant to strike fear. And as master Seth G. once said, "No risk, no reward."

January 4 was supposed to mark my one and a half years of employment with current job, and the 1st year as an MVP employee. Initially, I wanted to hit that milestone because it symbolized I'm made of sturdier stuff: surviving an entire year of new management uncertainty, and working with whatever little I had. But also, a year under new management was supposedly my opportunity to ask the hard questions to our HR and my bosses. Guess with this new window open, the hard questions will have to come earlier.

I'll be talking to Emilou and Dencio on Tuesday, to clarify the offer and my options with them. Then, I'll have to talk to my bosses in current job, ask about career path and growth within the group, and weigh in what matters more to me: stability (or at least a semblance of it) in current job or empowerment (I could be a linchpin!) in new window.

Universe, I asked for black or white in terms of BOYS, not jobs. *sigh* Ain't it so true, not everything that comes your way is something you necessarily asked for.