Someday...

I'm starting to hate that word.

I forget which movie said it, but someday is a dangerous word. Because its code for never.

I don't remember when exactly it happened to me... wait, I do but I choose to be in denial and not blame my job for my lifelessness... but my someday has turned into never. And it's freakin' H-A-R-D to turn it around!

"I'll get back into running soon"... said that three weeks ago.

"I'm losing the damned 10 pounds I gained ASAP!" Said that 'round the same time... and it's not HAPPENING!

"A blog a day was supposed to keep the crazies away"... but the frikkin crazies are HERE!!

"I'm saving up for my NAUI course because my gift-to-self on Christmas will be a bad-ass diver ID." Where the h*ll am I getting the money from? DREAM F-ing ON!

"I'll stop using my credit card"... HOW?!?!?!? Stop it on the shoes, the dresses, the weak superficial things. When did this obsession with the material begin? I used to prioritize travel and knowledge and art and experience. What's so wrong with me that I need the immediate pick-me-ups to give me joy? (I do know what's wrong with me but I choose to turn a blind eye.)

Because I know when I look, seriously look... I'll find something broken. Something I've been meaning to fix. Something I'll get to someday.

But someday has turned to never... and I'm afraid. Dear Lord, please help me.