Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
But, honestly, I love going to the beach during off-seasons. Resorts have reasonable rates, and the shoreline isn't overcrowded, and the other vacationers are just like you: zagging when everyone else in Manila zigs. This quick beach trip to Nasugbu was exactly the break I needed from the previous week's helluva planning for 2011.
What made this particular beach trip even more special was the fact that I got to spend it, not just with my beach-bumming constants, but also with two others who flew in the country for the Holidays. It was a high school reunion by the sea! And the sea was crying when we were packing up to go. Bright and sunny the entire day we were there, then just when we hopped on the bus bound for Manila, it started raining. We'll be back in Nasugbu soon enough, though.
Overnight in Munting Buhangin Beach Camp: PhP4,977.10. Dagat in Disyembre with my best friends in the universe: Priceless.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
When I was telling my friends about the origin of the milkshake moment, their initial reaction was "What a difficult customer." And yeah, that's true when you look at the process from the perspective of hotel management. We don't have milkshake, deal with it.
But, from the perspective of the screw-it,-just-do-it go-getter, when you've got all the right ingredients, isn't it just a matter of being creative in coming up with the results.
Like today, a sales manager approached me because an account he's handling was requesting for additional free goods from me, for an on-going promo activity. Natural mente, I ask for justification besides the fact that the free items were almost gone. As a brand manager, I need information such as offtake to compare sales versus the effectiveness of the promotion. We were giving away the items for free already, so with the freebie promo, I ought to be creating awareness and inducing sale of the items on shelf.
Sales manager comes bumbling back to me saying the account buyer refuses to release an offtake report, first saying its confidential then later saying they don't generate it until the end of the month. I say, who needs the frikkin' buyer? We've got disers of our own who are supposedly going around the various stores covered by the promo. They can get me a simple beginning-ending inventory count, and I'll assume offtake from there.
He had the right ingredients, but the box he was living in limited him from making the milkshake. I guess I did come across as the bad, difficult customer in our exchange of words, but at least I was able to show him that information can be gathered from different channels. When we were able to generate the diser report, we discover that, yes, free goods were almost up, but offtake of the actual items for sale was slow. Ergo, the promo being as effective as we'd have liked it to be, so giving away more items for free just buries me in additional costs. It was a very easy "No" for me after that, I wasn't giving any more free items to the account.
So getting the simple inventory report gave me all the right data I needed to make a sound decision. I might have come off as the hard customer in the process of our discussion but I couldn't care any less. There are so many creative ways to get information, to make something happen, to create out of nothing. But so few people see the opportunity, content with the walls and systems that trap them to a certain way of being.
I refuse to live that way. When are you joining the club?
Saturday, December 11, 2010
This post is dedicated to the greatest bunch of girls and oddball boys in the world: Chaw, Mau, Wins, Beej and James, absentee members Pres, Raj and G-third, and OFW friends who will soon be home for the Holidays.
I love that our little group just relish each others' company. We were the same cast as last Wednesday's hang out sesh at Gateway (we were together from 6pm to past 12mn then) but we just had to have another get-together so soon after. Our regular Chismax Friday session, held at Casa Tan, was once again invaded by boardgame addicts. Shall we start locking people up in BGA?
Two rounds of Cranium, a run of super old school Pictionary, and many completed trivia bits from new-found love ETC. (a game of abbreviation CONTEMPLATION! *falsetto*) later, 10:00 PM had turned into 2 in the morning, then 4, til finally the sun's first rays were lightening the sky. Time truly flies when you're having fun.
Morning broke on yet another legendary home-based party of the korakchas. To the best of my knowledge, they're the only people I spend all-day'ers and all-nighters with. It's not because we drink the time away like idiotic fools, or destroy our eardrums with loud dance music (unless it's videoke!). We just stay in one place, act like the crazies exchanging the same hilarious stories over and over again, just hanging out! You know what, I think a person can only do this with a very limited number of friends and I'm honored to I get to do mine with these guys.
The same old stories and same old jokes may be tiresome for others, to us they feel like home. But then again, we never fail to come up with something new to laugh about each time. "Aaaackshoooowwwn!" and "Troglodyte" are just two of the many we coughed up in this edition.
Tired, sleepy but extremely happy to have closed my workweek with this solid session, with the greatest friends in the whole universe. It's 8:23am and high time I caught some Zzz's. Hug to my loves, and here's to a million and more nights such as this one.
It was one of those "hey-super-cheap-seats-to-an-offbeat-locale" trips organized by a common friend of 10 or so people. Offbeat locale meant spending the night on a deserted island, braving cliff-faces to get to crystal clear salt water, getting inside caves, and exploring the great outdoors. The eight other people part of the trip were already seasoned mountaineers, used to roughing it and living life on the edge.
The two oddballs in the great Palawan adventure were me and Precy. So the rest of them buddied us together, with the idea that we could keep each other company during the parts of the trip we can't stomach anymore. Ergo, PALAWAN BUDDY!
But, man, did we prove them wrong. Not only were we able to take on every single adventure plotted out, but we both did all so with nary a whine! Precy and I, girly-girls of bunch, bratinela 1 and bratinela 2, experienced the beauty of Coron in all it's magnificence just as much as our rough-riding friends.
Memories of Coron, the beauty of Mother Nature, the friendships that stemmed from it, will forever be cherished, but what I love best about the trip is the fact that I gained a great friend from it who I openly have a term of endearment for. I love that from Coron, I gained a Palawan Budz. I was telling her earlier in the week: even if we've been to other places in the country already, heck even if we've traveled the world together, even when we're gray and old and withered, surrounded by grandchildren, I'll still be calling her my Palawan Buddy.
She said she'll be the same way.
The kids will ask us why, what does Palawan Buddy mean, and we'll have an entire adventure to tell them.
(Dedicated to Precy, a.k.a. Palawan Budz. *chest move here* forever)
Monday, December 6, 2010
I haven't really been feeling Christmas lately, even though I know it's only a few days away and the Holiday songs being played out in the office is a daily reminder. I guess I haven't gotten that UMPH of Chirstmas... until now!
Nothing brings out the festivities in me like a well decorated tree in the living room. And this year, she's got garlands to match. My only complain would be that I wasn't able to decorate her myself this year, as its a task I set upon myself normally. It was a thing I did with my Amah (grandmother in Fookien), decorate the family Christmas tree after we've done our annual household clean-up.
But anyway, she's up and Holidays 2010 just got a wee bit brighter. Hope your trees are bright and shiny-shimmery-splendid by now, too.
Bah humbug is still there but I think its turned down a notch. Happy Christmas, everybody!
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
I wish I was home. I wish I just ran today instead of wasting another opportunity. I wish I was anywhere but here, doing anything but waiting.
For me, waiting is such a waste. Waiting is short of doing nothing, it's just sitting in some obscure corner, watching minutes burn slow death because you can't frikkin' do a thing about it. It's why I can't sit still. My brain no longer sees waiting as the patient person's way. It's why I'm writing this entry now.
Such a shame how so many see waiting as part of the process. I'd rather do something than wait idly by. Rather write, rather run, rather clean up or organize or work.
Egads, I hope against all hope that the traffic on QC roads evaporate like a trickle under the Sahara sun. There must be something done with this Metro-wide problem, motorists and commuters shouldn't be left at the mercy of flooded highways.
First things first: fix the danged drainage system! Clear up the canals, get rid of the squatters under the bridge (relocate, men!), and you get rid of the flash floods. 2nd, get rid of the suckes who can't drive in the rain! You slow the rest of us down. Shape up or ship out, there are TONS of public means of transport to travel by. 3rd, get me friggin' home. I'm getting cranky and I've got a full day tomorrow.
I wish I was home already! :( Freak rain, I hate the freak everything else you cause... Including the freakishly insane me right now.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
I'm happy, yes, as I've said in my post yesterday. But at the same time, I cherish these sudden moments of silence. Went out on another run today. Left the office at around 6:00 in the evening, everyone was practically still in. Not necessarily still working, most were probably waiting for the right time to log out. It was noisy, people were excited to end the day and go home.
I'm not a fan of noise, so I was glad to get out and run my laps on my own. Did 5 rounds in my now usual route, not sure how far that was but it took my an hour and 20 minutes to finish. Not all run, of course. I strongly believe in the walk-run principle our TBR Dream Marathon mentors are trying to enstill in us. I think the major flaw in my work out is that I walk more than I run. Haha!
Anyway... so after my run, I come back to the office to get my stuff and WOW, 7:30 PM and it's absolutely abandoned. Quite, still solitude awaited me. And I think it's beautiful. Now all I have is my laptop, this entry on the blog, the steady tapping of my fingers on the keyboard and The Script's Science and Faith album playing on my iPod. This, to me, is bliss.
I'm ending my day on a high note, something that's now fast becoming a habit.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
And I'm generally happy of the change thus far. Of course, naturally there are challenges on the way but I look forward to them. Life won't be easy, breezy anymore but who cares! I'll stare down any obstable to cross my path now, and overcome it because I'm strong and smarter this time around.
Hopefully, this new workload won't alter other aspects of my life so much. I was able to run for an hour and ten minutes today, my first run on the new job. Will be running again tomorrow to push my limits further, and on Sunday I conquer 15k.
Loving the state I'm in right now. This feels good, it fits me. And I'm happy.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Can I just say: I love the world wide web, I love that Yaya Maumau had her bout of insomnia (poor girl... hope you caught up on some sleep after the concert) and I love classic glam rock! It just never ever gets old. Songs like Livin' On A Prayer, Wanted Dead Or Alive, and It's My Life just wakes up the good old rocker days in me.
After the concert, my high was further streched courtesy of my iPod's glamrock playlist: Mr. Big, Harem Scarem, Bad English, Def Leppard, Aerosmith... yeah, it was a pretty loud and rockin' morning for me. Haha!
But seriously, I love Glamrock! And I don't think I've ever met anyone who feels otherwise about it. I can play name-that-tune with the Glamrock genre with anybody, I swear, because everyone knows the classics. And I think it's mostly because glamrock reminds us to be uninhibited, unsuppressed, and unhinged! Everyone's a rockstar when it comes to this genre: doesn't matter if you look like a hillbilly, or a pop princess, or the nerd down the street. Soon as the guitar intro of I'll Be There For You comes on, all hairs are let loose.
Friends, promise me that when I die, you'll have a glamrock night at my wake to honor great music. Rock on, luvrs! We sing til we die.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Basta aso, naiiyak ako.
-Tippie O. Tan
Quick synopsis: Orphaned siblings, Andi and Bruce, turn an abandoned building into a make-shift home stay for the stray dogs, because their new foster parents won't allow them to keep their cutesy wire-haired terrier "Friday" in the house. Of course, mishaps happen, their hotel for dogs is discovered and the orphans were forced to let go of their project as they were separated by child services. I don’t have to tell you that all gets better in the end, but you should still watch the movie to see how they make it work out. And the end is every dog lover’s dream come true: a safe house for a jubilant bunch of tail wagging furries!
What made me cry though (please be prepared to discover how much of an oddball I am) was the credits. Yes, the credits. You did not read wrong.
It started with the simple text of “Cast & Crew, with Friends” followed by a stream of pictures: everyone who was part of the movie’s production posing with their beloved animal companion. I cried because it was beautiful to see so many people loving and in love with their animals. There was the single white male with his cat, the new family with their daughter and the couple’s mixed breeds, the grand mother with her macho German Shepherd, the buff guy with his gardner snake, the puppies, the huskies, the labs and St. Bernards, all showered with love by their faithful humans.
I happily wept my tears of joy! We're just so lucky to be loved unconditionally by the furries we come home to. So for me, loving a dog, or a cat, or any being not human, without shame, without fear of being ridiculed, is honorable and shows strength of character. The human who loves outwardly just for the sake of loving outwardly is my ideal! It's only right we try our best to love them just as unconditionally back.
I recommend the movie, not for the lessons it tries to teach about family and responsibility. I recommend Hotel For Dogs simply because it's a celebration of LOVE!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
I'd like to share my (thus far) 2010 highlights with you.
#5 APO REEF TRIP
It was the perfect all-girl beach trip: four days of sun, sand and seawater with narry a mobile signal in sight. This trip cementized the bond of 5 beautiful strangers into one giant KORAKCHA and we're now a mighty family with a few odd-ball boys. The Apo Reef trip was also the first time I went thru tentlife! Mindoro's Apo Island had no electricity, no running water, no nothing! We pitched our own tent, slept in it for the night and folded it up again come morning. It was also the first time I encountered wild dolphins. We saw two pods! And countless shooting stars! Apo Reef is the trip to beat in my book.
#4 NGC EARTH DAY RUN
My first ever race. First in 2010, first in life. And it started this blooming love affair with a sport! Who would've thought?!? Since NGC, I've run at least 2 times a week, frequency now getting higher because I'm running a marathon on March. YES! Marathon! Wooohooo! Looks like 2011 will have it's first highlight already.
#3 BELLE GETS BETTER
Before her operation, Belle (my precious black lab) was living with a lump on one of her breasts. Her doctor didn't want to put her under the knife until it was absolutely necesssary, I guess she didn't want Belle to go through the stress of an operation and gave us alternatives on dealing with the lump instead. But, just as anything bad in the world, the lump got worse. Belle underwent a masectomy procedure and I wailingly waited for the whole thing to be over. Two frikkin' hours crying like a lunatic in the waiting area of Animal House Banawe. *sigh* But now, she's soooo much better. Happily lump-free, three months and counting!
#2 THE DAY I STARTED MY BLOG
It was either a scheduled non-working holiday or I was just absent from work. I was at home, not really doing anything, just watching HBO, and Joe's Apartment came on. I loved that movie back in high school. I think I was one of the few girls who wasn't totally freaked out by the singing roaches. So I watch, and Ralph Roach says his magical line: "The funny thing about shit, only good things grow out of it." LIGHTBULB!!! How can one not write after hearing such words of wisdom from a cockroach?! As I always say, inspiration comes in many a strange form and from this particular instance, Insights From The Movies was born.
#1 "SHINING IS GOOD"
I was contemplating on whether I should make my blog more public by posting links on my facebook page. I wasn't sure if my thoughts were worthy enough to be read by other people besides my eternally dear friends because most of what I write are useless and mundane. I say that in the present tense because they still are. Anyway, around the same time, I was introduced to The Art Of Non-Conformity of Chris Guillebeau. His site said to feel free to contact him anytime, as he personally replies to all his messages, so I took a shot, asked him when he knew it was time to bring out his thoughts to the world and gave him a link to here. A few days later, I discovered that Chris wrote a comment on my "This li'l blog o'mine... should I let it shine" entry, and he said "Shining is good. Keep it up!" I nearly fainted with happiness. It was the first day I posted a link to my blog on my facebook page, and it was the day my writing started to be more real, more thought-out, and more me.
I hope my highlights inspire you to look back at your 2010. The new year's almost here and we've got more highlights to come! :)
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
I was always up for adventure. Back in the day, when household responsibility was nothing more than a pinprick, I saw my career as one big adventure, and I was always (ALWAYS) up for the next unexpected turn.
To my TV5 family, I love you. You make everyday at work a blessing. Working for the media industry was a long time dream and it came true when you took a risk on me. I've learned so many invaluable lessons and gained solidly strong friends. I will miss you all terribly, but I'll still see you on YM and FB! Dun tayo mag-gaguhan!
So I take a leap! I've been given an opportunity that could mean big changes for me, to be in a place where I could be indispensible and the things I do will have direct and near immediate effects on set goals. I'm nervous, scared, unsure but I've jumped off the ledge already. Nothing left to do but open my eyes and see the horizon as I fall.
Choose My Own Adventure book starts in 5...
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Former employers, and good friends, Emilou and Dencio phoned me out of the blue Friday afternoon with a job offer. Being absolutely unprepared for the entire conversation, I don't think I made sense for a great portion of the talk, and I likely came off as flustered and bewildered. I still am.
Dencio and Emilou are people I look up to. They're part of the new generation of unrelenting entrepreneurs who believe that anyone can do anything because everything needed is at our fingertips. They bravely churn out one idea after another, turning them to beautiful realities, unafraid to risk failure and undaunted by the pressures of success. I'm lucky to know them and to have had the pleasure of working closely with them at near start of it all.
Now they want me back and part of their team again. Wow.
So why the hesitation? If they're as brilliant as I say, why don't I jump on the opportunity instantly? As in any great relationship, there were bumps on the road. Note how I'm not using the word 'few' here... the bumps were definitely more than few. I went thru hell and high water with the couple, we caused each other headaches and messes, and our wrath coming down upon everyone around us with as much intensity as a tsunami. How, when we talk, it seems like no time has passed is short of a small miracle to me.
January 4 was supposed to mark my one and a half years of employment with current job, and the 1st year as an MVP employee. Initially, I wanted to hit that milestone because it symbolized I'm made of sturdier stuff: surviving an entire year of new management uncertainty, and working with whatever little I had. But also, a year under new management was supposedly my opportunity to ask the hard questions to our HR and my bosses. Guess with this new window open, the hard questions will have to come earlier.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
In a way, my Christmas bugbite is practically two months late! I was hanging out with my colleague in the 7th floor cafeteria of our building and I couldn't help but sing along to the pipe-in music: it was Jose Marie Chan's "A Perfect Christmas." His entire Christmas In Our Hearts album is, by my standards, a classic anyone must have in the iPod Holiday playlist, and this song (*sigh*) is my all-time favorite.
What I love about the song is that it's heart-warming Christmas-sy and heart-thumping lovey-dovey all at the same time, but without being too mushy. It's a simple celebration of being together in the wonderful time of the year that is Christmas. It's the perfect Christmas Love Song! (Don't believe me? Ask the dishes!)
So, from the lyrics written down below, can anyone guess my favorite line? :) Merry Christmas, world! Cyber hug and Holiday cheer to all!
My idea of a perfect Christmas
Is to spend it with you
In a party
Or dinner for two
Anywhere would do
Celebrating the yuletide season
Always lights up our lives
Simple pleasures are made special too
When they're shared with you
Looking through some old photographs
Faces of friends we'll always remember
Watching busy shoppers rushing about
In the cool breeze of December
Sparkling lights all over town
Children's carols in the air
By the Christmas tree
A shower of stardust on your hair
I can't think of a better Christmas
Than my wish coming true
And my wish is you'd let me spend my whole life with you
My idea of a perfect Christmas is spending it with you
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I hated the sports we were forced to learn... basketball, softball, table tennis, badminton and especially volleyball. High school volleyball was hell for me, nearly flunked out because I couldn't do a decent serve and I screamed away holding my glasses everytime the ball flew past my face.
After college, I tried out a few alternative sports. Surfing was almost perfect. I was able to stand on my first ride and I was stoked! But travelling 6 hours by bus for a few minutes with the waves was too much of a hassle. The novelty eventually wore off. Then there was Ultimate Frisbee. I was good at the catch-throw exercise, but when the harder drills began, I was yelling "I don't do running!" to the trainer. He was deliberately throwing the disc in a totally different direction to make me go after it!
So falling in love with running was the biggest surprise to me. My friends started their running love affairs at least a year before I did, they kept badgering me to run along with them and I astutely kept saying no. My famous line haunted me: I had to stand tall to my claim of not doing running.
The first time I signed up for a race was to support a friend who was part of the organizing committee, not because I wanted to run an actual race. It was Takbo Para Sa PGH, a benefit run for the Metro's premiere government hospital, and I wanted to be able to contribute to his efforts by signing up. I was planning to "get a headache" on race day, but then my best friend signed up for PGH's 10k run and I thought I might as well go thru with it.
PGH wasn't my first race, though. NGC Earth Day was. It came a week before. My running friends couldn't believe I signed up for 5k right away, so they thought it reasonable I try a 3k race first. And NGC started the spark. Completing my first ever 3k course in just under 30 minutes was WOW to me. I didn't think I'd even be able to cross the finishline, let alone with a fairly good time.
I was pumped for the 5k run the following weekend. Take note, I had zero practice runs before NGC and PGH. I came from absolutely nothing to suddenly running kilometers in a snap of a hat. Clocked in 48-minutes in PGH's 5k. Still good time for a newbie. After that, I was running practically every weekend. I ran wherever and whenever I could: Green Meadows, Manila Memorial Park, D. Tuazon and U.P. Oval, AdMU campus, BHS, anything paved was my playground.
Since then, I've been asked one too many times by the people who know me as non-sporty girl: Why are you running?
And I answer, to get away. Running gives me peace and solitude. Running is like reading to me. It's time spent solely on myself, and done not for the sake of some result. I don't read because I want to be smarter. I don't run because I want to be fitter. Getting a wee bit smarter and a wee bit fitter are just happy bonuses of doing something I'm really into.
I find a certain kind of joy in running. Friends say its the endorphins. I say, yeah, could be. Or it could be that I'm just purely happy to have the opportunity to run. Endorphins normally come after, I oftentimes find myself giddy even before I start pounding the pavement. I have no idea why I get happy for a run. Even if it's just around and around the lot of our house, I love it and look forward to the 40 minutes I get to spend every other day on it.
Crazy, huh? So that's why I run. I run because I turn into a truly happy individual when I do. It's why I'm running again tomorrow, and the next day and the day after that and so on.
I'm a very reserved person. I don't warm up to people straight away and I prefer to keep a small circle of absolutely-knotted-together friends. Actually, I sometimes choose to be alone with a book over a night of hanging out with my friends. (Yeah... they might not really appreciate knowing that...)
But lately I've been wishing I could shed away my cocoon and blosom into the social butterfly. I've been attending run clinics for the marathon I signed up for, and although I don't find myself huiddling in a silent corner of class, I'm also not making a big effort to meet new people. Not that my co-(soon-to-be)-marathoners aren't nice enough, they actually seem like a very learned and well-versed group of runners, but I just cannot, for the life of me, say "Hi, I'm Tippie." to any of them. Socially inept, I swear!
It's frustrating sometimes, to be locked away in this self-dug hole of shyness and self-preservation. What's even there to preserve?!?! Is there even a risk of losing anything ? Of course not! *sigh*
There has to be a way to get rid of the cocoon and finally break out of this shell. But how do you get rid of the comfort zone called isolation?
Sunday, October 24, 2010
"You're an excellent judge of character, Sarene - except your own. Often, our own opinions of ourselves are the most unrealistic. You may see yourself as an old maid, child, but you are young, and you are beautiful. Just because you've had misfortune in your past doesn't mean you have to give up on your future."
Friday, October 22, 2010
We all have disgustingly bad habits, no one just dares put ‘em out there like any other dirty laundry. In the spirit of zagging, I’ll hang one of mine out.
I am a scab picker. Yes, 28 to date, yet I never outgrew the bad habit of picking away at my wounds. My parents and friends still slap my hand when they catch me in the act. An excellently recent example would be the latest mishap on my right knee. I was running a couple of weeks ago and tripped over the uneven sidewalk I was on. Fell hard on my knees and scrapped the right one solidly on the pavement. The then-fresh wound was bleeding for a good part of the rest of my run. It dried out a few days later and started to itch like frikkin’ hell! It was only automatic for my hands to relieve the “pain.” Now I can’t wear skirts to work because my already-unpretty legs just got uglier. If Dive Master Kuya Toto saw it, he’d say it was “samting… panget!”
I know it’s wrong but this bad habit, like any other, is hard to break.
What I realized today, thru an amazing apt analogy made by my best friend, is that I don’t just pick on my scabs literally; I do it figuratively, too. If you backtrack a few entries, you’ll see my recent history. Short of it is someone decided to take my heart and crush it in my face. Been living with a hollow for a few weeks now, waves of sadness come and go, and last night was bad.
I had a moment of weakness. Somehow I brought myself very near heart-crusher’s vicinity. Out on the semi-silent, weeknight streets of Makati CBD, I was standing in front of his building, asking myself “What the fuck am I doing here?”
I was out there a good ten minutes, while an internal debate raged on between the girl who wanted to fight for him and the girl who wanted to keep a semblance of strength and pride. Then, it dawned on me. If I really wanted to see him, I would’ve been in there ten minutes ago. So I walked away.
Walking away was easy, but it was painful. I cried myself to sleep again last night. Prideful, strong girl was angry for nearly giving into the weakness. She was screaming, “What were you thinking in the first place?” in my head last night, and I honestly couldn’t answer. I have no idea why I keep putting myself in that sort of situation.
I told Chaw, my best friend about last night’s incident today. Plus I added my glorious insights: 1) that I am jaded for a reason, 2) and it’s because I’m always the dumpee. Chaw’s a very patient and understanding soul, but I think my "insights" frustrated her and she told me, point blank, “You have to stop picking on the wound.”
And it’s true. Reading back what I’ve written so far… I have a mix of pity and sorrow for the girl going thru the pain, but frankly, I must say the pain is mostly self-inflicted. I pick on the hollow… I haven’t allowed my heart to heal right.
It was a good realization. No. Not just good. It was the perfect wake-up call, for both literal and figurative scab-picking. The wound on my knee still itches, but I’m leaving it alone. The hollow still hurts, but I feel my heart growing back and I’m getting rid of the things that hinder the healing. He may have said his goodbye a few weeks ago, but I can honestly say mine is beginning only now. No more turning back, no more fighting. I’ll never forget, but I forgive and I truly wish for nothing but the best.
It's still there, but I’m leaving it alone. Hard habit... broken.
I reply... "I want to save the world."
What we wanted to be when we grow up was printed alongside our pictures in my school's nursery class yearbook. I sometimes look it over and read my batchmates' answers. Of course there were the standard Doctor, Lawyer, Nurse hiccups. There were the few rarities like Veterinarian, Housewife, Gymnast... then there was me: "I want to be Supergirl."
It was 1986, the movie Supergirl had probably just gone out in betamax copy and I probably saw it alongside the rest of my family. And I guess it stuck. I wanted to be Supergirl then. Of course, reality sets in thru the years. I realized I wasn't Kryptonian; apparently that's how you get superpowers, and my "what do you want to be" eventually turned practical, like everyone else's.
But the mental bubble of being Supergirl was brought back by Chris' question of the day. If I took failure out of the picture, what would I want to do? I associate failure with losing money, so I turn the question to, "If money were no object, what would I want to do?" and my honest answer is to save the world.
It's amazing how much humankind has progressed in technology, science and art, but not in terms of eliminating poverty, or saving the Earth's resources and biodiversity. The way we've boomed for personal advancement has had detrimental results in so many other aspects of the Gaea and although there are a handful of people working towards awareness and turnaround now... a handful is not enough.
I know in my current state, I can't do much to help. I attended a NAUI Orientation last night and one takeaway I got from the lecture was, you can't help anybody if you can't help yourself first. Knowledge of self-rescue is the first step of the whole saving process, coming even before the knowledge of rescue of others. (Singing Man In The Mirror in my head now.)
I guess that means I have to be Supergirl to myself first, before I start trying to be Supergirl for the world. My first baby step to being Supergirl to me, I think, is my bucket list. My bucket list somehow outlines a few next steps I can personally take to make a bigger impact in how society treats the world we live in. Kind of strange, isn't it? How something initially self-empowering can turn into an outward movement for the broader good.
I guess that's the point of Chris' movement also, in posing the question of the day, and in being the backbone of the art of non-conformity. Inspiration comes in different forms.
With that, I throw the question out to the rest of the world. If you took failure and money out of the picture, what would you want to do with your life? I know everyone's answer will be just as ironically un-selfish as mine turned out to be.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
- Run a marathon. March 2011, baby! I will run my marathon because I am young, I am strong and I can. This will push limits I never knew I had and it will be worth it. Crossing that 42-km marker will be a dream come true. Pray I don't do a Pheidippides at the end!
- Climb a mountain. But not just any mountain. Climb BATAD! My best friend just came from there and she's RAVING about it. Clean crisp air, real mountain dew, far from the noise and mess of the citylife, peace with Mother Nature. I'm in love with a place I've never been to, so much so that I can hear the crash of the falls from here.
- Be a NAUI diver. It's NAUI or bust! Why? Because I'm hardcore like that. PADI's the more popular counterpart, 4 out of every 5 divers are certified PADI... ergo... I zag! And being a NAUI diver will get me free dives in Apo Reef, courtesy of Kuya Toto (NAUI DM/Rockstar... a.k.a. "samting... panget...!").
- Speaking of diving... Fly back to Busuanga and San Jose, to dive the depths of Coron and Apo Reef. See the beauty 'neath the waves from the proper fish-eye view. And why stop there? Tubataha, Verde Island, Anilao, the Great Barrier Reef, the Blue Hole, you name it, I'll dive it.
- Then see the Humpbacks in Batanes, the butanding giants of Sorsogon, the Thresher Sharks of Malapascua, the Great Whites of Guadalupe Island, and the Dugongs of Sarangani Bay! See them while they're still here, while I still can.
- Take up and finish the Master of Environmental & Natural resources Management: Major in Coastal Resource Management course of UP Open University. The sea and everything about it is my passion, ever since I was a wee lass. Now's the time for me to learn as much as I can to represent the world's oceans well and true.
- And I'll do that by volunteering my time to the DENR and the DOT. The 7,101 islands of the Philippines is biodiversity central. We're a hotspot of eco-tourism and natural resource protection, but these government offices need help from the passionate and willing.
- And one of my projects will be to rehabilitate wildlife to campaign for animal protection awareness. Be it a mouse deer, a wolverine, or a full grown tiger, all undomesticated animals belong in their natural habitat, not in barred or glass cages for people to gawk on. There are other ways of educating the public on the wonders of nature. A sound rehabilitation project may be key.
- Be an MBA Marketing scholar in another country, preferrably Australia. Bond University of the Goldcoast really got my attention. I hope I'm not yet too old for their scholar-internship program.
- Bring Y@H to life. Y@H stands for fostering creativity in the workplace, being allowed to be silly despite the corporada setting, bringing back joy and laughter and camaraderie. It'll be small, it'll be unprofitable, but it'll be worth it. Bring on the boardgames and the conundrums!
- Celebrate five years in a company. Because 10 years is so easy after that!
- Get published! Fiction, biographical, column, one-time-big-time article, ANYTHING! The goal is to have something available on print with a "by Tippie O. Tan" attached to it.
- Fall in love and be "in-loved" back. 'Nuf said. ;)
- Drive for Mr. and Mrs. Tan. Through heavy rains, ultra-long distances, mind-boggling traffic, etc. etc. etc. I'll be a road-rager before I'm thirty, but at least my parental units will be happy.
- Touch a live Komodo Dragon and a live Blue Iguana. No, this is not to get over my fear... sort of. Because I know even after I do this, I'll still be deathly afraid of the tiny, scurrying, gross things that are stuck on the wall of everything. I'll do this because I think the Komodo Dragon and the Blue Iguana are beautiful.
- Be part of a play. Eponine in Les Miserablés is my dream role, and to sing "A Little Fall Of Rain" with my Marius is my dream act.
Monday, October 18, 2010
It was early afternoon. I was on a bench, in the middle of my old college campus hanging out with friends. We were laughing about something silly and childish, and making a complete ruckus in the normally quiet area of school.
No one minded us anyway. I guess people expect five girls coming together once in a blue moon to be shrilly.
Then he walks by. I feel myself stop in mid-laugh, my face flushing with what I’m sure is the color of the communist flag. I just can’t hide anything from him, can I? The raw anxiety brought about by the sense of the new yet familiar always made me blush. Everyone could see I was in love. I was the only one trying to hide it from myself by playing it cool… and failing miserably.
He sits beside me, taking the tiny space between me and the edge of the bench, so I scoot a bit to make room for him. His arm automatically wraps around my waist and my heart starts to beat a little faster. Be still my heart, I say to myself but no amount of lullaby would calm it down.
Inasmuch as we’d have wanted to stay and chitchat for a few more hours, he actually came by to pick me up and take me home. It was suddenly our new thing, to have our quiet time together in his car as he drove me to my house. There was an unspoken respect for that few minutes of alone time and we both naturally followed the unsaid rule to the T.
So we stand in near perfect unison and say goodbye for the day to our friends. As we walk away, his hand clasps mine. I love it when he holds my hand. It makes me feel safe, that I have a stronghold in him and I can only pray that I give that same stronghold back to him by holding his hand back. It would mean the world to me if I knew for certain that he knew I would be on his side always. And that if he knew I was there, he has nothing to be afraid of. I could only wish I knew what he thought in his head, and what he felt in his heart. Wanton wishes for the fool in love.
When we approach the car, he opens the passenger side’s door, but tells me not to go in yet. He turns me to him and wraps me in his arms in a warm, deep embrace. I nearly melt to the ground as tears well my eyes. We hold each other for a while, neither wanting to let go of the other. A tranquil peace falls around us, a total sense of belonging, longing and home. I feel like I’m home. He makes me feel like I’m home. Maybe because he is home. And I know I will love him forever.
He turns his face towards mine and I see love staring back at me, his eyes boring down into mine. A slight smirk touches his lips, and I can’t help but laugh out loud. He looks boyish when he smirks like that and he does it just to draw a guffaw out of me. I still can’t believe how this beautiful man came falling easily into my life, how one moment no one was there then the next came along and there he was.
“Are you for real?” I ask, not meaning to say the question aloud. I flush with embarrassment the second the words escape me.
His smirk disappears into a frown, as he replies “No.”
Then I wake up. All a dream. And the hollow that was once my heart is here again. Only the tears were real and they fall freely down my face.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Today is that day for me. And I'm paying for it. I just pray to God it doesn't get any worse from here, that I learn my lesson and start being more proactive.
I've always said that working in Media is a dream come true for me, and it really is. But I guess I've grown lax and haven't put my heart into work the past few months. And I can pass blame on other factors but why pass the buck when it can just stop with me.
I lack heart. It used to be my driving force for bringing a brand to life, for taking something out of nothing which for the most part of my career I've been able to do. For a great chunk of my life in TV5, I had heart because I thought what I did had great effects on the network. I could say that I lost the heart when the whole takeover happened, but why, in the first place, did I? A takeover shouldn't change a person's outlook on one's job, especially if he or she was retained in doing practically the same designation anyway.
But I did along the way, and I realize that now and I'm deeply sorry for it. I love TV5, this is my new family, my new home. I was bitter with the changes, as I supposed any youngling would be, but I should have learned to look beyond it and still see the importance of my position's outputs.
Doing major overtime for something I should have been perfectly on top of is a small price to pay, but its the decisions that will be made here on out that will make the real difference. I don't want other people (specifically my boss and our boss above her) saving my ass for this fault of mine, but at the same time, I hope they do because I don't want to lose this. Not yet.
Oh God, I'm scared. I really am. Do I still have time to make things right? If I live through this, it's not going to make up for anything. Not enough. I have to get my groove back, get heart and move forward. Nowhere to go but up from here.
Children of the corn, learn from me. Regret only happens when something horribly tragic goes wrong and it slaps you hard in the face. There will be pitfalls in every situation but it's best to be prepared for the worst by being always being on your A-game.
I'll turn this around, you can bet my life on it.
And happy news, the Twister Fries are back! I love those squiggly potato things. They're what I consider to be gourmet (Haha! Yes, I'm shallow like that) and the fact that they're only available for limited periods of time make them oh-so-much-more mouth-watering.
Plus, how this particular ad was executed is flawless for me. It was simple, unobstrusive, it caused a cute clutter on my monitor, with pieces of dancing twister fries all around, but only for a short period of time. It was just enough to capture my attention, give me the urge to write this blog entry and have an imaginary post-it stuck to my head to buy twister fries later for lunch. So fun!
I've never been one to be interested in online ads. I hate those things on bottom of Yahoo Messenger that blow up if you simply scroll over them. This ad of McDo is clean-cut and simple. Only the people who really want to know "What's up with the fries?" will be the ones to click on the link. And, get a happy answer at the end of it.
Goo'job, McDo Ad Team, whoever you are. Your execution tells me good marketing still abound in our mundane society. :)
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Stupid song. Merry Happy by (guess who?!?) Kate Nash. Yes.
I had to go exploring the music of (one of) his favorite artist(s). Cock gun, place barrell by temple, pull trigger, KABOOM. Aren't we on a happy-merry suicide mission?
Don't get me wrong. Kate Nash is beautiful, she makes wonderful music and she's a talented lyricist. So talented, in fact, that her words burn into me!
Yeah you make me merry, make me very very happy
But you obviously, you didn't want to stick around
So I learned from you
(doop doop doo da roop doo...)
I can be alone, yeah I can watch the sunset on my own
(Oh, and by the way, if YOU happen to read this, would like to inform you that the song you said was by Kate Nash on Bride Wars... EEEEEEEH! Wrong. It's by Priscilla Ahn. "Dream." Look it up. No, I will not give you the privilege of a link. It's simple google search, I'm sure you have time for that.)