Wednesday, July 21, 2010


I believe acknowledging one's fears is the first step to fight them off.

I am afraid of...

...the dark. Some find it comforting. I find me uneasy in it. Maybe it's because of the books I read. I've been brainwashed to eternally believe in the boogey man. I think I read the Witching Hour too young.

...heights. I remember this one time in Subic, my dad and his friends were fishing out on the edge of this pier, which to get to, I had to cross a concrete footbridge with a hole in the middle. It was roughly a 10-foot drop. Yes, drop. I stood frozen on the safe end until my dad put down his rod to get me. A fish took his hook and bait as he helped me across.

...tight spaces. Elevators with too many people in them. Crowded rooms that you can barely move thru. Other people invading my personal space. I honestly think that people who don't know each other should respect a 3-feet radius.

...being alone. Not alone, by myself. I'm actually fine like that. My me-time is my time with a good book, or my time to run, or my time to just think. I am afraid of my friends leaving me, of my family... I can't even say it. My parents are not allowed to die before me. Selfish, yes. So, sue me.

...everything reptilian and amphibic. Deathly afraid. I can't even type out the words! I'm too grossed out! This is my greatest fear, EVER! And it's totally senseless how I got it. I was an idiotic kid with too much time and clay in her hands. I ended up forming a creepy cold-blooded crawly with this grey clay, and then threw it to my unsuspecting yaya. She freaked! So freaked that it freaked me out, too. Been scared of them since then. I failed 3rd quarter Bio in high school because of this fear.

So what's the point of this exercise? I thought I'd be fighting my fears in the end but after writing all that... I'm left with is the affirmation that I am afraid of these. Okay, so I could be willing to work on fears 1, 2, 3 and 4... but 5... I'd rather be afraid than even attempt to overcome it.

P.S. I forgot to mention needles and blood extraction. Friends who'll ever need blood won't get any from me.

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